Pool Days

Our pool isn't fancy. It's a large-ish above ground pool 10 feet by 18 feet but it has really changed our summers up here. It's so relaxing and cooling and we look so forward to a hot pool day when it is available. We swim around and read on our tube floats and watch the hummingbirds and look at the garden and have cocktails and it is the nicest experience. I don't think we could live without it and I just don't know what we did before we got it. Love.

From His fullness, we have all received grace upon grace. - John 1:16

Today was such a beautiful day. I had a nice long lunch with Mom. I came home and worked in the yard and on a new project. Late, this afternoon as I was watering the vegetable garden, I looked up at the sky overhead. It was such a beautiful blue color and in the middle of the sky - the moon was just hanging there. I was filled with gratefulness. We have such amazing gifts thrust upon us. I couldn't help but think about what happened this week with the Paris Agreement. We take so many things for granted.

Lunch with Mom 5/18/2017

It was going to be a nice day so I hauled my ass around for two hours to mow the leeching field this morning.  I quit at 10:30 and called in my order for lunch to pick up sandwiches and salads.  I took a shower but had to put on my dirty Levis and LL Bean rubber moccasins and they were covered in grass. I had on a Wal-Mart short sleeve blue plaid shirt and a baseball cap with Savannah embroidered on it from a vacation we took in February. I haven’t shaved for days.  I carry over a tote bag full of my Mom’s favorite candies and snacks.  Spice drops, swedish fish, gummy bears, orange slices, wheat thins, mango sorbet, yoghurt covered peanuts, a virtual corner bodega.  She was alert today and chatty. We ate till she was full. 

Afterwards, she asked if we could go sit outside and I said yes.  She had heard that it was going to be sunny and 91 degrees.  I have to allow myself to be very spontaneous with her these days. Some days are good and others are not. If she has a good day, I do anything she wants and stay as long as she wants.   I got her into her wheelchair and took her outside. It was sunny, breezy and warm.  I walked her down the driveway to the hill overlooking the mountain - the green hillside and the beautiful blue sky. We sat there with the sun to her back so she could feel it but not have it bother her eyes.  I stood there looking at the view and realizing days like this will not happen very often. No need to get back to the house. Let’s enjoy the day.  I wheeled her around the parking lot and then we parked at the edge of the entrance porch just inside enough for shade but still with a view of the mountain.  It was beautiful and she really seemed to enjoy it.  She sat there in her wheelchair. She was wearing this purple printed paisley knit top that my Aunt Gail had given her.  A pair of jeans and pink and grey slip on sneakers that Tim had bought for her for her birthday last year.  Her hair was pulled back into a pony tail tied with a purple elastic cord that matched the color in the knit top.  She closed her eyes and rested her head on her hands and we felt the sun and breeze and watched the white clouds move across the sky.  This elderly man pulled up in a car and we watched him as he pulled out the walker in the back seat to help his wife walk into the nursing home.  I won’t begin to think about being separated from your partner because you are too old to take care of your loved ones.  I stop the thought.  I close my eyes to feel what my Mom is feeling.  People come and go from the door to the nursing home and circle around the two of us sitting  there together dead center in the walkway.  I had walked into the lobby and grabbed a chair so I could sit with her outside.  We sat there and I held her hand and stroked her hair and we talked about how smooth her hands felt after I had put hand lotion on them the day prior.  We talked about how we could do this all summer. We watched the large cloud shadows move across the parking lot asphalt and across the mountain in our view.  People came and went. She got sleepy and we decided to go in for a nap.  Before we moved inside, I wrapped my arms around her from behind and told her that I loved her and what a nice lunch we had had. I smelled her hair and told her that she smelled good.  Shampoo and Red Door perfume.  I put her into bed, asked her what she wanted for lunch the next day, kissed her head, told her I loved her and picked up my tote and left.  The minute the elevator hit the lobby, the tears started falling.  I have no control over my tear ducts these days.  I walk past the elderly man in the lobby sitting by himself reading a newspaper. He has no where to go or anyone to be with and there is no place to sit upstairs with all the patients where his wife must be.  

I  get home and make a drink.  It's 2 pm. It's hot outside and there are these vampire-like little flies biting me for the past three days. It's going to be a long afternoon. 

Mother's Day Weekend

Lots going on this week and this weekend.  Tim took the week off and we did a lot of work around the house.  More on this later.   Tim made this amazing brunch.  A sausage/potato/gruyere quiche and then his Mom's rhubarb desert from our own rhubarb in our garden.  Mom got a couple new garden hats for the summer.  Nice brunch and then a quiet afternoon with reading and naps.

Spring Is Here

When I lived in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, I lived in this adorable dutch colonial house in a neighborhood called Ardmore across from a city park.  In the Spring, the park was ablaze with color when the Forsythia shrubs that surrounded the small park bloomed.  I would run over and cut armfuls of the shrub and have vases of them all over the house.  It was like this enormous announcement that Spring was finally here. Forsythia, azalea, quince, rose of sharon, red bud, tulip magnolia, camellia and magnolias blooming everywhere.  When I moved into my apartment in Greenwich Village in New York after leaving North Carolina where I had lived for 11 years - I missed the spring so much and access to all of the abundance of flowering shrubs and trees at your fingertips - I ran out and bought a huge vase of Forsythia because I missed it so much.  When we built the house upstate, I wanted to make sure that we would have plenty of the shrub and planted 40 bushes on the east side of the house running the length of the house.  It could go wild there and that is what I wanted.  40 bushes is a lot but it has taken forever to grow.  Unlike North Carolina where it grows like Kudzu, it has really taken it's time.  The worst part is that we are never here when it finally blooms.  We either are in the city or traveling for work or have some reason not to be here.  However, finally, I am here at the house and it bloomed this week.  Armfuls of it.  I filled my first vase and put it in the living room.  It's a good sign that maybe this will be a good summer. Regardless, it brings back memories of so many happy springs in other places and so glad spring is finally here.

A Memory

I was cleaning out a box and found these old crocheted doilies of my Mother's from the 60's that were made by our housekeeper, Alice, in the Philippines in the 60's. It just brought back so many memories of us living overseas. In the heat of the day, my brother and I would sit with Alice under exotic fruit trees in our back yard and I would watch her crochet endlessly for our family and for herself. She did beautiful work and she made table covers and window draperies for our home - I thought all of it was gone. She loved yellow and there is a pic of a dining table cover made in her favorite color where I sit listening to Tennessee Ernie Ford 45 records endlessly driving my parents crazy. I loved the sound of his deep booming voice. Parties in our front yard that my Mom threw under coconut trees and banana palms. Kalesa rides up our street driven by the man who was our gardener. Pig roasting parties thrown by the Officer's club. Trips to the China Sea with my family and our friends the Cassidays for beach weekends. My mother's terrible fear of snakes hiding everywhere. The special language my brother and I created and spoke to each other. I love when objects trigger memories.

Mom and Lake George

I found these pics of my Mom from the 1950s when she used to go upstate and visit my Aunt in Lake George.  Her older sister married and moved to Lake George and my mother spent so much time up there visiting her and her family.  She grew up in Mamaroneck right on the sound.  My Grandfather's house was right down the street from the harbor.  She lived in Harbor Island Park. I cannot fathom my mother on a lake or in a boat because she has such a fear of water now.   I guess we were all fearless at one time.  I just remember how much of a tomboy she was - how could you not be with 3 sons?  All the summers, that we went camping in Colorado and New Mexico.  All the summers spent at Canyon Lake in Texas - swimming and boating.  Life takes it's toll - losing children, rocky marriages, and a crazy life as a mother and wife with a husband in the Air Force would do it to anyone.  So much traveling and moving around the world and the States and all the drama it created.  I can understand how fear works it's way into your life.  However, this is the way I want to remember her - fearless, joyful and so full of surprise.  

Concrete King

My Dad was in the Air Force - so we traveled and moved from house to house while I was growing up. 13 different schools, 3 countries, 4 states. When my Dad finally retired and settled into civilian life - they bought a house in the late 70s and they lived there for 20 years. It is the only house that I can call home even though I didn't live in it very long before I headed off to college.  It was my parent's home.  It is why a home is so important to me. 

We used to call my Dad - the concrete king. He was always landscaping and putting in patios and sidewalks and garden walls. Somewhere in that back yard in a wall is a time capsule that my Dad, brothers and I buried years ago.  Needless to say, he put in his share of concrete in the new house. One day, he gave me this bucket of concrete to do some repairs to our sidewalk in front of our house where there were broken or missing pieces.  I went out in front and fixed the sidewalk and in one of them I signed my initials in the concrete.  Anytime I go visit the old neighborhood, I look to see if my initials are still there. It's nice to think that some things don't change or are more permanent.  The initials are there - along with some debris and the sidewalk needs to be edged and weeded. They are there and somehow that is re-assuring.  It's the same thing in life, sometimes you need to know that the person you were is still there despite the cobwebs and baggage.

Flash Dance

Joyful things - I had a conversation with someone the other day who reminded me of how happy I was at one time.   We are both going through some hard times right now.  I just wanted to tell her how grateful I am to her.

Susan Connally, is one of the most influential people in my life.  She had faith in me and recognized my abilities and taught me and encouraged me.  She is thoughtful, generous, patient, caring, smart, and kind.  I just wanted to say thank you.  Thank you for some of the happiest moments learning from you and performing for you.  There were nights that I was just filled with such happiness to be in your studio and going from one class after another and then  to rehearsals and having this un-ending energy and excitement.  I don't think I have found anything that can make me feel that way. I just wanted to write it down and add it to my Joy List.  Thank you, Susan.

This song always reminds me of you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3YrNSw5a2I

Joy List - Mom and Winter

It has been a long winter especially for my Mom.  She has not been able to walk and is having a difficult time dealing with being shut in so long.  I try my best to amuse her - different food for lunch, watching movies together and lately - playing cards.  We play a game of Solitaire every time I see her - her eyesight isn't good and it helps us amuse ourselves and we chat while we play cards together.  I deal and sort the cards and call them out for her. We had a couple warm days and I took her for a drive around the Pepactan Reservoir one day.  It was sunny and warm and we drove around the Reservoir and just held hands and listened to Michael Buble sing standards.  It was such a nice day and got her out of the house and although we didn't talk much - we had a nice time.  My Mom has always had beautiful hands.  They are so smooth and soft.  She hates the blood thinners she has to take because they spot her hands with blood.  She took so much pride in her hands.  

I have kept what I call my Joy List.  It's some of the happiest moments and memories in my life recorded in a book.  I have kept it most of my adult life.  It's    now several books and I have never posted it publicly but think that it's a nice thing to add to the blog.  Today was one of those memories.  Just the  two of us being together on  a beautiful winter's day and how soft her hands feel and the quietness of our time together.                                            

and now for something totally adorable....

Sookie flirting with me.

The Best Gift

Finding little surprises around the garden this summer are just all a bonus.  Because, the biggest gift of all is having my mother here.  In the middle of this gorgeous weekend, I found myself sitting on the back porch with her.  I looked around and felt so full of love and joy with all the beautiful things surrounding us, she is the most beautiful thing of all.  I feel so grateful and happy right at the moment.  It was an amazing weekend.

Joy List - Mom and Summer 2015

I have kept journals and what I call my Joy List for most of my life.  My Joy List consists of moments in my life that were truly happy.  Obscure moments - of tactile, sensory driven moments of joy.  I have waited to have my Mom near me most of my life so that I could spoil her and show her how much I loved her .  Finally, after a rough 6 months, and a long tedious week of travel and upheaval - I had the weekend I always imagined. My Mom sitting in our garden - the three of us.  Gardening, napping, chatting, relaxing.  A day I always imagined and hoped for for the three of us.  It could not have been more perfect.  It was a beautiful day, and the garden was neglected but blooming.  I couldn't have been happier and more relieved.  Today went on my Joy List.  I love you Mom. I love you Tim.

July 4th Weekend

Nice, relaxing weekend.  Lot of pics.  Beautiful bracken fern along the driveway, amazing weather, lots of flowers blooming, great food, and one of the most beautiful weekends ever.

Introducing Our New Family Member - Atticus!

Sookie was feeling lonely now that Burns is gone so we decided we had to get her a baby brother.  It wasn't an easy birth but here he is all 2.7 pounds of him.   He is absolutely adorable and Sookie is a little shocked but eventually will adjust.  We are already totally in love with him.  Atticus.

July 4th Bovina Bonanza

Our July 4th Festivities started off with a bang and four days of fun, food, and fireworks.  We had to order an outdoor tent at the last minute because it rained for the four days but it did not keep us from eating, gardening, shopping and having a good time.

BOVINA FARM FEAST

The Bovina Library Farm Feast went off with only a slight glitch last night.  Close to 200 people gathered to sample local farm's beef, goat, chicken, lamb, and pig and local produce prepared by a group of amazing volunteer cooks.  The food was absolutely delicious.  Beef Stew,  Ribs, Barbecued Lamb, Pig, Goat, Goat Sausage, Sauerbraten,  Meatloaf, Roasted Turkey and Chicken, along with a large assortment of sides and deserts.  We actually got to eat this year compared to last year - and it was really good food.  Locals and weekenders gathered in John LaFever's  machinery barn which was decorated for the holiday with a local tree farm donating beautiful Christmas trees that surrounded the perimeter of the hall like an inside forest.  The dinner had to be held in a larger venue instead of the town community center because of the number of people that attended last year.  Diners ate by candlelight and listened to Christmas music and holiday bell ringing led by Monica Liddle.  Marjorie Miller and Ray Lafever auctioned off the Christmas trees and a raffle with all proceeds benefitting the Bovina Public Library.  Many thanks to all the people who volunteered to make this event a success.  The only glitch was that we lost our electric power at one moment with no one knowing where the fusebox was located in this massive garage space.  We managed to get the power back on and the dinner proceeded without a hitch.

Renegade Halloween "Parade"

After 3 days of being cooped up in the apt because of Hurricane Sandy, we really needed last night. A friend of ours, Tim and I had to get out. We decided that despite the ban on the Halloween parade that we were going to go out and have a little adventure despite the NYPD and Bloomberg. We got dressed - I jacked up my hair, put a little eyeliner on, painted my fingernails black and threw on my Lucky Brand skull patterne

d sweater and went as a Preppy Goth Boy. (Boy) hmmmm? Our friend came as a marine and Tim was a "Modern Vampire" - what ever that means.

We went to our default Thai restaurant around the corner - Yum Yum Too ( Yes there is a Yum Yum One and Three) for dinner. While there - this British Guy and his Asian girlfriend have a little love spat which resulted in him throwing his IPhone across the restaurant. I love when couples fight in restaurants. Needless to say, it led to some hilarious bonding with a couple tables around us - one guy writing LOVE? on a napkin and holding it up like a banner calling for peace and happiness. We all ended up showing off our latest new toys on our phones - I didn't realize there is an instant disco strobe light ap that you can get for spontaneous dance parties - Gotta get me that one!

We grabbed a cab and rode down to Washington Square Park. We got out and couldn't believe how dark and empty the entire Village was at that moment - scary, surreal and beautiful all at the same time. You couldn't go into the park because of a patrol cop - so we wandered down to our default bar - Duplex which was all lit up with candles and looked beautiful and we wandered in and started drinking.

Suddenly, we see cop car lights and hear a tuba and looked outside and there is this spontaneous group of people dressed up in fabulous costumes coming down Christopher Street. We walk outside and feel like we just stepped into the party scene from the movie, Short Bus. This amazing group of people who decided despite the horrible events of the three days that the Halloween Parade was going to go on. We jumped into the crowd filled with people dressed in every imaginable costume and a little marching band playing a tuba, accordion and a couple brass instruments. It was amazing. It was like the old days of living in NY. It felt like how the old Halloween parade used to be. People kept joining the crowd and we were all just laughing and dancing and walking through the Village. All of a sudden the police started harrassing people on the sidewalk and they grabbed our friend and pulled him across the street and everyone stopped to watch them start to arrest him. We were standing there shocked - and the crowd started booing at the police - there were now 20 of them and a couple other police cars pulled up. We thought that they were going to arrest him but after the crowd started booing and yelling at the police they let him rejoin us. Big cheers and we all started down the sidewalk. People kept joining the crowd and it ended up being quite a little parade of people celebrating - and then the moon came out and it was such a great moment. You could see the stars last night and you can never see the stars in the city at night. People celebrating that the Halloween parade and the spirit of the parade couldn't be squelched by a Hurricane and the negativity of the Police in this town.

We left the parade by 6th and 18th and wandered over to my old neighborhood - walking through pure darkness and took pics of the building that lost it's facade at the corner of 14th and 8th. Wow, bricks still everywhere and all the belongings of the apt dwellers spilling out from the openings. We grabbed a cab and drove up 8th Ave back to our apt. There are moments in this town that are still so magical. I love NY.

I got back to the apt and I looked like a raccoon - the eyeliner smeared around my eyes looking like a chubby, tired Adam Lambert. However, I went to bed knowing that the spirit of this city is still there and shows itself in the darkest of moments.