April is always a difficult month for me. It's the anniversary of my Dad's death in 2013 and also the anniversary of my brother's death in 2005. I think of the both of them every day of my life. With my Mom's illness, I feel I am losing my entire family. No one prepares you for that kind of loss. It is inevitable to lose your parents. However, I looked forward to years with my brother - we were very close and his sense of humor is what I remember most. I miss our laughter together. I think of him always smiling and laughing and always a prankster. Being the oldest son, I looked forward to us growing old together with so many great memories to share. With my mother's illness, it has become increasingly difficult to speak of memories of our life together. With no vehicle for that remembrance and celebrating of life - those memories will die as well. I document everything in my journals these days so that I can share these memories with myself or with my nieces when they are ready. The memories sit there dusty and clouded waiting for their stories to be told. If they ever will be re-told.
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