Mom passed on February 22nd. It has been a rough month. I feel lost and there are constant reminders of her everywhere. Some of the reminders are beautiful and parts are so incredibly sad. I can't look at photos of her at all. I am actually glad that we are postponing the service for a couple months. I don't know how I could deal with standing in front of people at the moment.
In the meanwhile, life proceeds. My parent's urn was delivered. I think it turned out beautiful. I walk by and touch it everyday and just cry. I am having issues thinking about putting it into the ground.
Mom's gardenias started blooming and the living room smells amazing. There are a couple months before the pots can go back outside. The smell reminds me of her and the shrubs she used to nurse in front her home in Texas.
I used to sing this song - "Mama, A Rainbow" to her all the time. It speaks to how much I loved her and would have given her anything to make her happy. The last week of her life, I noticed that someone had colored a rainbow and taped it to her bedroom wall. When I saw it, I cried. After she passed, I took it off the wall and framed it. It sits on my bedside table. Somehow, my Mom had given me my rainbow that I had promised her all these years. She couldn't have given me a better reminder of her love.
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