Funeral Pre-Arrangements Part Two

I knew this was going to be a very difficult day for me.  I thought I had prepared myself to go and make the funeral arrangements for my Mom.  Step one was buying the cemetery plots.  Step Two - to meet with the funeral home director and make burial arrangements. I drove over to Delhi to Macarthur Funeral Home and met with Paul.  I realized I had seen him before.  One night, as I was dropping some stuff off to my Mom at her home there were an ambulance and gurney out in front of the building.  A tall man came out of the building and took the gurney inside. Someone must have died and I sat outside waiting. I did not want to go inside and witness this.  The man re-emerged from the front door with a covered body on the gurney and loaded the back of the ambulance vehicle with it. That man was my funeral home director, Paul. 

Paul was a very nice guy, a little long-winded, but that was part of his charm.  Paul was great. We talked about the arrangements and picked out a burial urn, signed papers, wrote checks and got to know each other. He was so considerate and I got through the entire conversation without my lips trembling, crying or shaking.

I thought the worst was over when all of a sudden he asked, "now, what about your Dad?"  I didn't know where he was going with this as we had discussed the headstone and I gave him both my parent's information.  He asked me if my Dad had been a veteran and I told him he served in the Air Force and in Vietnam for 20 years.  "Then, he will get a Veteran's honor guard and burial," he told me. I guess I had prepared myself for my Mom but I was completely unprepared to discuss my Dad. My poor Dad's death has been totally upstaged by my Mother's illness and care.  I don't think I have been able to grieve for him properly because of everything I have gone through for the past three years. When he started discussing what the government provides Veterans, my chest started heaving and I started crying in front of him. I guess the gesture of kindness from any stranger at this stage in the game would have set me off but I wasn't prepared for this.  After I stopped crying, I apologized and tried to explain myself. He passed me a box of tissues and I have never been more grateful.  He was extremely polite and nice about it. I was mortified. We finished discussing Dad and I walked out to the car. I sat behind the steering wheel and didn't move for what seemed a very long time.