Funeral Pre-Arrangements Part Three

I am sure there are many books and websites devoted to preparing you for all of this but I haven't looked at them. Maybe it's time.

I knew this day would come as well. I knew it was going to be delivered. I was on my way to the post office and saw it from the road. I look towards the plots as I pass by the cemetery a couple times a day.  Suddenly, there it was. I slowed and pulled in the driveway of the cemetery.  I parked the car and just sat in the car looking at it.  It was a gorgeous sunny day. I got out of the car and walked over to the headstone.  The dirt around the stone base was fresh and there was grass seed sprinkled on it. I don't know what I expected and didn't know what to feel. I was overwhelmed simultaneously by sadness and the beauty of the day. It was a strange combination.

I looked at the surrounding graves and made a mental note to dig up some Shasta Daisies and Black Eyed Susans and plant them on either side of the grave before it got cold. I walked back to the car with the sun shining brightly on my face.  I got in the car, drove to the post office and picked up my mail.  I stopped by Russells and decided to get an ice cream. I guess I didn't realize that I had been crying in the car because Bea just looked at me funny.  Maybe, I just looked stunned or something? My eyes burned. I paid for the ice cream and stepped back into the sunshine and got into my car. I unwrapped the ice cream and started the car and drove slowly back home.

Funeral Pre-Arrangements Part Two

I knew this was going to be a very difficult day for me.  I thought I had prepared myself to go and make the funeral arrangements for my Mom.  Step one was buying the cemetery plots.  Step Two - to meet with the funeral home director and make burial arrangements. I drove over to Delhi to Macarthur Funeral Home and met with Paul.  I realized I had seen him before.  One night, as I was dropping some stuff off to my Mom at her home there were an ambulance and gurney out in front of the building.  A tall man came out of the building and took the gurney inside. Someone must have died and I sat outside waiting. I did not want to go inside and witness this.  The man re-emerged from the front door with a covered body on the gurney and loaded the back of the ambulance vehicle with it. That man was my funeral home director, Paul. 

Paul was a very nice guy, a little long-winded, but that was part of his charm.  Paul was great. We talked about the arrangements and picked out a burial urn, signed papers, wrote checks and got to know each other. He was so considerate and I got through the entire conversation without my lips trembling, crying or shaking.

I thought the worst was over when all of a sudden he asked, "now, what about your Dad?"  I didn't know where he was going with this as we had discussed the headstone and I gave him both my parent's information.  He asked me if my Dad had been a veteran and I told him he served in the Air Force and in Vietnam for 20 years.  "Then, he will get a Veteran's honor guard and burial," he told me. I guess I had prepared myself for my Mom but I was completely unprepared to discuss my Dad. My poor Dad's death has been totally upstaged by my Mother's illness and care.  I don't think I have been able to grieve for him properly because of everything I have gone through for the past three years. When he started discussing what the government provides Veterans, my chest started heaving and I started crying in front of him. I guess the gesture of kindness from any stranger at this stage in the game would have set me off but I wasn't prepared for this.  After I stopped crying, I apologized and tried to explain myself. He passed me a box of tissues and I have never been more grateful.  He was extremely polite and nice about it. I was mortified. We finished discussing Dad and I walked out to the car. I sat behind the steering wheel and didn't move for what seemed a very long time.

Critter Moment

Taking time off to be with my Mom this summer has given me quality time with her and time for projects. However, I miss Tim during the week and our babies. Tim sends me pics that our cat sitter takes along with ones he takes as well. Here are some of Atticus and Sookie just being cute. 

Florida Room

I keep a massive workbook list of projects. In that book, for every project, there are lists of to-dos, to buys, to research, and how to build.  We have these two large outbuildings on the property which were originally the two cabins we camped out in before we built the house.  We finished the first cabin interior and insulated it and ran electric to it.  The second cabin was not completed.  We used the first cabin as a seasonal fourth bedroom when we had parties at the house and needed it for the overflow of house guests. It wasn't the best use of the space.  When I inherited all of the wood shop equipment, we put all of it the second, unfinished shed because we didn't have time to finish out the second cabin. I have been working with electricity run from a power cord from the other building.  Not good. Over the summer, we discussed how we could better use the two cabins.  So, next Spring, we will move all of the wood shop equipment to the first building which has a substantial floor, insulation, walls, and electricity already installed.  This will solve two problems. We will have electricity for all of the saws, sanders, and routers.  It will also allow us the time to finish out the second cabin as we have time to do it.  We decided that in order to get more use out of the second building was to make it more of a Florida room rather than just an extra bedroom.  It has a porch and patio door window but still, needs additional windows.  On the way home from Delhi this week, I passed a house on HWY 28 that was being remodeled.  The contractor had put several large windows on the curb to discard.  I picked out three windows and threw them in the back of my pick up.  The windows are the perfect size and proportion for remodeling the shed.  The three were part of a set - a large picture window with two book-end casement style windows. I will use the large picture window for the cabin to add to the existing windows and will use the two additional windows for when I enclose the back porch.  I love when my hoarding instincts kick in.  I love a good bargain.  This will save me hundreds of dollars on windows for both remodeling jobs.  So many projects, so little time.

Backyard Pergola

Every summer, we have to rent tents to have covered sitting areas.  We have an existing pergola with a canvas canopy that we dine under but no real sitting area outside.  We decided to build a simple pergola that mimicked the style of the original one we already have.  Clean, black and light.  Originally, we thought to put a permanent shed roof on it but then thought it would look awkward with the other canvas roof over the dining deck. We experimented with waterproof canvas tarps we bought on Amazon and they worked perfectly for the summer. It eliminated the possibility of decapitating myself while trying to attach metal roofing panels.  We put a couple coats of black stain on it to match the color of the first pergola.  We wanted it enclosed somehow so you didn't feel like you were sitting out in the woods and built a corral-like surround.   There is a 6-inch shelf which is nice for votives and an occasional cocktail. We will decide later if we want patio stone or a flat decking or leave the grass.  Now, we won't have to rent tents when we have parties. Next summer, we will build a built-in sofa.  We already ordered the cushions from Ballard Catalog.  So many projects, so little time.

Bedroom Bookcases

We needed a couple bookcases for our bedroom and we didn't want to spend a lot.  I had these two Gotham Cabinet Craft wooden bookcases and lacquered them in white and wallpapered the back panel.  They look clean and the paper dressed the rather plain bookcases up a bit.  So many projects, so little time.

You Are Loved

I learned years ago that I would be the caregiver for my family.  I never expected this but you manage with the cards you are dealt. My Dad who was a really good guy was unfortunately not gifted with the affection gene.   Nor, the gift giver gene either.  I knew at a very early age, that it was going to be my job to overcompensate for my Dad and for my brother's when it came to recognizing my Mom for how great she was. And I did.  Years of rallying the troops, years of overspending, years of beating my head against the wall trying to understand what was wrong with the other men in my family.  Whatever, I did what I had to do.  I think my mother knew but never said a word.

When I was a little boy, I wanted to be sure that my Mom knew.  I had very little money and I think I was in a five and dime in Texas and bought this small piece of marble with the words "You Are Loved" on it.  I just wanted something to remind her that I would never forget her.

On Monday, I stopped off at the local new Tat shop in Margaretville and had the phrase inked on my forearm. I wanted something to remind me of her always and my devotion to her.  It's also there for another reason.  As her dementia gets worse, as she stops recognizing me and she isn't capable of speaking, it is to remind me that she is still there and that no matter what - I need to know that she still loves me.

Lunch with Mom 8-17-2017

Today was a gift day.  After being pleasantly surprised about a medicine change we made last week, her behavior improved for a couple days.  Then, it was like it backfired.  A week of exhaustion, sleeping non-stop, crying and depression.   I was so disappointed.  I struggled through her birthday because she just was so tired and wouldn’t open her eyes.  She had been extremely tired the last three days so I didn’t have any expectations today.  When I arrived, she smiled and opened her eyes and acted so happy to see me as if she had just woken from a coma.  I hadn’t seen this kind of reaction in awhile so it made me happy.  

Pizza, orange soda, and yogurt covered peanuts for lunch for her. Ham sandwich and baked chips for me.  Her eyes were open for a good portion of our visit which was a good sign.  She was talking more coherently and we listened to music. I took the opportunity to show her the birthday video where I had my family post videos saying “Happy Birthday” to her.  She seemed to recognize everyone and made comments.  She asked me to play some classical music and I put on some Debussy on YouTube.  As she sat in her arm chair, I sat across from her and rubbed peppermint lotion on her hands, arms, feet, and legs.  She really loves her hands being rubbed. 

I sat on the bed rubbing her feet and looking out the window.  It was a beautiful sunny day and there was this green Katydid on the outside of her window.  I had wanted this summer to be special with her and it hasn’t been what I planned.  She responded to the massage and she started talking and making jokes about her arms and body and we both started laughing. I haven’t heard her talk normally like that and make fun of herself in so long. It was my old Mom again.  I forgot how much she used to make me laugh.  I kissed her and told her how much I loved her. I try to make the most of these moments when she is aware.  I don’t know how many more moments like this we will have.  It was amazing seeing and hearing her like that. She commented on how beautiful the music was that was playing.  She needed to go to the restroom and suddenly acted modestly when I took her into the bathroom which she hasn’t done in a very long time. I left her and then came back to help her back to her chair and it was like the switch went off.  She started talking about a black dog and asking if it had been fed?  The moment was over. I got her into bed and sat there listening to Debussy and talking to her as she tried to fall asleep.  I stroked her face and hair telling her how beautiful she was and just stayed close to her.  She dozed off and I picked up the tote and lap top and left.  

As I walked into the grocery store to pick up a couple things, Elton John started singing “Rocket Man.”  

“And I think it’s gonna be a long long time

Til touch down brings me round again to find

I’m not the man they think I am at home

Oh no no no I’m a rocket man

Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone.”

I started crying in the produce department. I cannot function. I don’t know what I am doing.  I went home and sat in the living room and watched the afternoon go by. 

Happy 80th Birthday Mom!

A Lovely Weekend.  My mother's two sisters, RoseAnn and Natalie, and my Uncle Jack and cousin, Eddie, all came to celebrate my mother's 80th birthday.  Tim cooked and baked for days.  Mom loved visiting with her family and we had such a nice time.  Tim made his awesome banana ice box cake for the birthday cake which was just perfection.  I am ready to open him a bakery.  My family sent all sorts of videos and Tim put it together for a birthday movie wishing my Mom birthday greetings.  We had such a nice time.

Bovina Review

Doug Kerr/Flickr

Great Review on Oyster.com of Bovina. We made the top of the list.

https://www.oyster.com/articles/60579-best-small-towns-in-new-york/

New York is mostly famous for the Big Apple and the Hamptons, but there’s so much more to the Empire State. Many Americans -- and even New Yorkers themselves -- could hardly fill in a map of the state outside these two areas. The New York City-ers' assumption that upstate New York is an indiscernible green blur past Westchester and Rockland County is, quite frankly, incorrect. There are plenty of cultural enclaves, culinary hot spots, and stunning landscapes to be found both north of the city and out on Long Island (outside of the Hamptons). Whether you live in New York City and are looking to flee urban life or you're an out-of-stater seeking a charming retreat, these 12 small towns in New York offer a multitude of experiences for any style of traveler. 

1. Bovina, Delaware County

The smallest town on this list in terms of population (just over 630 people), Bovina is a great city escape. Weekend visitors can sample the farm life with a visit to Green Shepherd’s grass-fed sheep farm (call in advance) and Bovina Valley Farm’s farm store. The latter sells artisanal cheese, meat, and moonshine maple syrup in nearby Delhi. Bovina’s only eatery, Brushland Eating House, serves up comfort food crafted with local ingredients in a welcoming atmosphere. Brushland effectively captures the simplicity and community feel of a historic eating house. Additionally, it offers spacious accommodations on site, which makes it a great hub for easy exploration into the heart of the Catskills.

Bovina Days Weekend

It was Bovina Days weekend.  Yard Sales, Dessert Contests and historical marker dedication ceremonies.  Lovely day.

Cilantro Chicken

A new recipe Tim tried - it was light and subtle and fresh.

Smaller Projects

I got some smaller projects completed this week. I was redoing a portrait wall in our bedroom and suspended the pictures from chain hung from a picture rail.  I was worried that the frames might swing but they are weighted and don't really move that much.  I also wanted a towel rack for the guest bath but couldn't find anything I liked. I recycled some old fencing in our back yard and made one myself.  The grayed color of the wood was perfect with the wall color and the shower curtain fabric.  I also needed a coffee caddy for some guests that are coming in a couple weeks and found a galvanized tiered tray that I liked from Home Goods. I loaded it up with Fish's Eddy diner mugs, Tim's Grandmother's depression glass sugar and creamer and a couple chalkboard label containers from Anthropologie.  It will work perfectly on the kitchen bar. 

Cat Sitter

If we could have our way, our cats would spend every weekend with us.  Unfortunately, dealing with projectile cat vomit is just not our idea of a fun excursion.  They do not travel well. It took us awhile to find a really good cat babysitting agency.   We finally found one and one of the sitters is this guy named Oscar.  He is definitely a cat whisperer.  His hobby is photography and he takes amazing pics every time he visits. He sends us the images and we look forward to seeing his beautiful pics and knowing that our cats are safe and well cared-for. Here are just a few images he has produced of our cats, Sookie and Atticus.

Chicken Enchilada Stuffed Zucchini Boats

Now that we have zucchini, it's time to be creative with some new recipes! A little spicy for wimpy me but delicious! You can make this with a purchased roast chicken and shred the chicken breast and buy pre-made enchilada sauce to make this recipe easier if you choose. 

Chicken Enchilada Stuffed Zucchini Boats

For the enchilada sauce:

• olive oil spray  
• 2 garlic cloves, minced
• 1 or 2 tbsp chipotle chile in adobo sauce, more if you like it spicy
• 1-1/2 cups tomato sauce
• 1/2 tsp chipotle chili powder
• 1/2 tsp ground cumin
• 2/3 cup fat-free low-sodium chicken broth
• kosher salt and fresh pepper to taste

For the zucchini boats:

• 4 (about 32 oz total) medium zucchini
• 1 tsp oil
• 1/2 cup green onions, chopped
• 3 cloves garlic, crushed
• 1/2 cup diced green bell pepper
• 1/4 cup chopped cilantro
• 8 oz cooked shredded chicken breast
• 1 tsp cumin
• 1/2 tsp dried oregano
• 1/2 tsp chipotle chili powder
• 3 tbsp water or fat free chicken broth
• 1 tbsp tomato paste
• salt and pepper to taste

For the Topping:

• 3/4 cup reduced fat shredded sharp cheddar
• chopped scallions and cilantro for garnish

For the enchilada sauce: 

In a medium saucepan, spray oil and sauté garlic. Add chipotle chiles, chili powder, cumin, chicken broth, tomato sauce, salt and pepper. Bring to a boil. Reduce the heat to low and simmer for 5-10 minutes. Set aside until ready to use.

For the Zucchini Boats: Bring a large pot of water to boil.

Preheat oven to 400°. Cut zucchini in half lengthwise and using a small spoon or melon baller, scoop out flesh, leaving 1/4″ thick. Chop the scooped out flesh of the zucchini in small pieces and set aside.

Drop the zucchini halves in boiling water and cook 1 minute; remove from water.

In a large saute pan, heat oil and add onion, garlic and bell pepper. Cook on medium-low heat for about 2-3 minutes, until onions are translucent. Add chopped zucchini and cilantro; season with salt and pepper and cook about 4 minutes. Add the cumin, oregano, chili powder, water, and tomato paste and cook a few more minutes, then add in chicken; mix and cook 3 more minutes.

Place 1/4 cup of the enchilada sauce on the bottom of a large (or 2 small) baking dish, and place zucchini halves cut side up. Using a spoon, fill each hollowed zucchini with 1/3 cup chicken mixture, pressing firmly.

Top each with 2 tablespoons of enchilada sauce, and 1 1/2 tablespoons each of shredded cheese.  

Cover with foil and bake 35 minutes until cheese is melted and zucchini is cooked through.

Top with scallions and cilantro for garnish and serve with low fat sour cream if desired.

Vegetable Garden - Mid Summer Status

We continue to status check our results in the new vegetable garden.   We still have so many posts to put in the ground with so much rock to dig up and fencing panels to put in place. However, the bale gardening is a big success and we are planning to add almost double the bales for next year already because it seems to be really working.  The bales are sturdy, the plants seem to like the location.  God knows, it is so much easier to water the garden now that the area is closer to the house.  As always, our motto is Don't Count Your Tomatoes until we see all the results and get through August but as of mid-summer - success!

July 4th Celebrations

This year instead of us hosting in Bovina, Tim's brother - Jeff hosted in his hometown of Buffalo, New York.  We all drove up to spend the weekend and we had a great time.   Evenings of grilling out and fire pits and smores.  Days filled with sightseeing around town, shopping at Vidlers, the Buffalo Botanical Gardens and on the canal.  Baseball games, symphony orchestras, and fireworks.  What else could you ask for?  It was a great weekend.