Today was a gift day. After being pleasantly surprised about a medicine change we made last week, her behavior improved for a couple days. Then, it was like it backfired. A week of exhaustion, sleeping non-stop, crying and depression. I was so disappointed. I struggled through her birthday because she just was so tired and wouldn’t open her eyes. She had been extremely tired the last three days so I didn’t have any expectations today. When I arrived, she smiled and opened her eyes and acted so happy to see me as if she had just woken from a coma. I hadn’t seen this kind of reaction in awhile so it made me happy.
Pizza, orange soda, and yogurt covered peanuts for lunch for her. Ham sandwich and baked chips for me. Her eyes were open for a good portion of our visit which was a good sign. She was talking more coherently and we listened to music. I took the opportunity to show her the birthday video where I had my family post videos saying “Happy Birthday” to her. She seemed to recognize everyone and made comments. She asked me to play some classical music and I put on some Debussy on YouTube. As she sat in her arm chair, I sat across from her and rubbed peppermint lotion on her hands, arms, feet, and legs. She really loves her hands being rubbed.
I sat on the bed rubbing her feet and looking out the window. It was a beautiful sunny day and there was this green Katydid on the outside of her window. I had wanted this summer to be special with her and it hasn’t been what I planned. She responded to the massage and she started talking and making jokes about her arms and body and we both started laughing. I haven’t heard her talk normally like that and make fun of herself in so long. It was my old Mom again. I forgot how much she used to make me laugh. I kissed her and told her how much I loved her. I try to make the most of these moments when she is aware. I don’t know how many more moments like this we will have. It was amazing seeing and hearing her like that. She commented on how beautiful the music was that was playing. She needed to go to the restroom and suddenly acted modestly when I took her into the bathroom which she hasn’t done in a very long time. I left her and then came back to help her back to her chair and it was like the switch went off. She started talking about a black dog and asking if it had been fed? The moment was over. I got her into bed and sat there listening to Debussy and talking to her as she tried to fall asleep. I stroked her face and hair telling her how beautiful she was and just stayed close to her. She dozed off and I picked up the tote and lap top and left.
As I walked into the grocery store to pick up a couple things, Elton John started singing “Rocket Man.”
“And I think it’s gonna be a long long time
Til touch down brings me round again to find
I’m not the man they think I am at home
Oh no no no I’m a rocket man
Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone.”
I started crying in the produce department. I cannot function. I don’t know what I am doing. I went home and sat in the living room and watched the afternoon go by.