All my bags are packed,
I'm ready to go
I'm standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breakin'
It's early morn
The taxi's waitin'
He's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome
I could cry
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
I'm leavin' on a jet plane
I Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go
There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I tell you now, they don't mean a thing
Every place I go, I'll think of you
Every song I sing, I'll sing for you
When I come back, I'll wear your wedding ring
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
I'm leavin' on a jet plane
I Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go
Now the time has come to leave you
One more time
Let me kiss you
Then close your eyes
I'll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave alone
About the times, I won't have to say
Kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
I'm leavin' on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Leavin' on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Leavin' on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe I hate to go
Leaving on a Jet Plane - Peter, Paul and Mary
Another rainy day. I love NY State but 6 months into the year and we are still waiting for t-shirt and shorts weather. It is a long time to wait. Rain is good for the garden, I keep having to say to myself. Today’s lunch: individual Di Giorno Pizza for Mom and grilled cheese, bacon, tomato and onion for me. Mom loves her pizza and she ate quietly while I sorted through plastic grocery bags, my computer, and my lunch. There was absolutely nothing on television to watch. I prefer mid-day news during the week and kind of missing the Drew show right about now. I put on Mom’s playlists and we sat and listened and ate and didn’t talk too much. Jeanette came in and we talked for awhile about the weather and she gave me her son’s phone number who owns his own landscaping business. I will call tomorrow cause I need some work done at the house. Another nurse popped in that I am friendly with and told me about some new Indian store that opened in Aarkville that had great samosas and curried chicken. I told her I would have to venture over and try it. The staff at Mom’s place couldn’t be nicer and more competent. I am there so often that they all know me by name.
We finished lunch and I pulled out my laptop and tried to finish the project I started the day before. Mom sat with her eyes closed in her chair. I sat on her bed with my laptop on my lap working and my other laptop on the bed playing music. It was raining out her window. I listened to her music playlists realizing that so much of her favorite music is also mine. Music from the 60’s - Dusty Springfield, Peter, Paul and Mary, Doris Day, Dione Warwick, Simon and Garfunkel, and so many soundtracks from that era that we both like to listen to. Growing up, my Dad was in the Air Force and he served in Vietnam and was overseas a lot. My Mom and I were each other’s company most of the time. My brother, Chris, was 3 years younger and still so young. When we lived overseas in Japan and the Philippines - we were alone together a lot of the time. We watched TV and listened to music on the radio together so we still talk about our favorite shows and musicians. We used to go see a lot of movies together as well. The Way We Were, Sound of Music, Love Story and so much more. One song that touches me deeply is Peter, Paul and Mary’s “Leaving on a Jet Plane.” My mother played this song over and over when we lived in the Philippines. My Dad was always gone and she was scared to be by herself with two little boys in a foreign country. She missed my Dad and missed her friends and family in New York and California and the U.S. seemed so far away. When this song came on the radio, she cried a lot and I would cry watching her.
As I sat there, the song started to play. By then, I had moved Mom to bed for a nap and I was sitting in her armchair just quietly working on my computer. I stopped what I was doing and looked at the rain outside the window. I have this memory of my Dad coming home from overseas one afternoon when I was 10 years old. He and a neighbor of ours shared a car back from their flight from Vietnam. He was wearing his olive flight fatigues and yelled hello as he was crossing the street. I ran across the yard and jumped into his arms and gave him this huge hug. He hugged back hard and all I could do is bury my face in his neck and inhale. I can remember the smell of his aftershave and feel how course his beard was but was so happy to see him. “Leaving on a Jet Plane” always reminds me of that moment and how much my Mom missed him when he was away. I sat there and just let the tears fall. I miss my Dad so much. He died in 2013 from a blood clot in his lungs. I took over my Mom’s care shortly after that. I never felt I got to grieve for my Dad because my Mom’s grief was so bad and I had to be strong for her. I am forced to think quietly about him and don’t talk about it with my Mother. Being the oldest son has a lot of responsibility. Being the only son now is worse. My brother, Chris, died in 2005 from an accidental prescription medicine overdose. My Mother is all I have left of my family. If my brother were still alive, it would make this more manageable. I think. I sit there and remember how much I miss my Dad, my brother and watch my Mother sleeping. Not a good day.
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